The Fountain of Youth Exists at Target

For about 330 days a year, my bedtime routine is pretty simple. Brush teeth, go to bed. For the other thirty odd days usually near my birthday, I attempt to reinvent my routine in the hopes of finding a fountain of youth and establishing the new "with it" me that can think to long term results instead of the shortest critical path to sleep. Usually this burst involves overly expensive lotion and a commitment to do 50 sit ups a night or some other equally seemingly achievable, yet soon to be forgotten, exercise component.

I began my most recent attempt last few weeks or so. This time, I am convinced that exfoliation is the key to younger looking skin. I came to this conclusion from some sound bite interview where a supermodel noted that men look younger than women because they shave. What can I say? I like to grab random pointers and see where they take me. I purchased a skin "rejuvinator". Basically, this thing scrapes off the top layer of skin. Imagine a washcloth on a portable sander. While it sounds painful, it feels pretty good actually. In fact, although it only calls for doing it three times a week, I find myself feeling as if my face is not clean those other days of the week. It's reminiscent of when I switched to Aquafresh Extreme Clean. No other toothpaste works in my mind now. Will this routine last? Decidedly not. Already I find myself skipping everything but tooth brushing before jumping into bed. Forehead wrinkles vs sleep? I think we all know the winner.

Look at the animals! please?

Ruby and Allison undertook their first trip to the zoo recently. Karen, Jamey and I spent about half an hour getting everyone into the car and about an hour at the zoo. I wish I could say Ruby was fascinated by the animals. However, she had...um...issues. Issues like being interested in anything but the animals. Observe...


Mama: Look Ruby, a goat!
Ruby: There's some kids over there. Fascinating.


Mama: Look Ruby, a rat!
Ruby: Nice shoes lady.


Mama: Look Ruby, a gorilla!
Ruby: I'll show you a gorilla.


Ruby did, however, love the gift shop and chose a giraffe that she adores.

Checkout lady: How cute! She picked a giraffe. Did she see the giraffes today?
Mama: No.

As for Ruby's cousin... Allison was very interested...in a nap and maybe a snack and maybe one more nap. Still, I know this is the start of lots of fun trips to the zoo for the girls. Maybe one day they'll enjoy it more than we do.

Ruby Tubesday

At Ruby's last doctor's appointment, we were prescribed the fourth round of antibiotics in two months and the doctor declared Ruby in need of an ENT. It was absolutely no surprise that the ENT recommended Ruby get tubes in her ears. Several coworkers enthused over the results their kids had with tubes and prepared me that the procedure would be quick and relatively painless for both Ruby and me. On the other side, I only had one negative story of tubes, but it was from the important source of Karen, my sister-in-law. Her tubes did not fall out when they should of and she feels certain she has some hearing damage from their removal. On the flip side another friend who didn't get tubes felt he had hearing damage from his ear drums rupturing from ear infections. Given this incredibly scientific method of asking random people, it was clear that tubes were the way to go. At least if Ruby complains in the future, I can blame a doctor instead of my own inaction.

Lucky for Jamey and me, Children's Hospital has an awesome satellite hospital very near us. Last Tuesday, we packed up the car at 5:30 AM and headed off to Ruby's first surgery (no baby book page for that, I checked). The hospital nurse led us to a small room where she checks Ruby's blood pressure (using her leg), oxygen level (using a sensor on her fingernail) and heart rate (by listening). I kept waiting for the finger prick or shot or something. I mean, I always have to have an IV for outpatient surgery. Apparently the IV is more trouble than it is worth for a kid. I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering if I can make the IV more trouble than its worth next time I have outpatient surgery now that I know its optional. While they took Ruby's stats, she was handed a stuffed bunny and another nurse blew bubbles for the kid next to us. They handed us a hopital gown and then told us we didn't really need it so of course we put it on her for a photo op.

After that we were led to Ruby's room. A nice private room with its own bathroom. I noticed a playroom across the hall and declared it potentially too germy for MY child. About 30 minutes and an empty bag of toys later, I gladly ate my words and took my hungry, restless baby across the hall for much needed distraction in the form of toys she had never seen before. Now is probably the time to share Jamey and I's view of toys. In general, we avoid the ones that make sounds and if they do, we tend to take the battery out. The playroom was chock full of a cacophony of toys guaranteed to drive a parent slowly mad. Ruby loved it. As we dodged a kid in a wagon and realized the hallways were lined with toy cars, wagons, trucks, etc. We popped Ruby down in a toy car and took off around the hospital. Although this feature has to be incredibly annoying for the nurses (they have to go around hunting the patient who's ready to go back for surgery), they hide it well and are quite adept at avoiding the moving obstacles. Maybe it makes work more exciting? Well, whoever thought of it was a genius. The atmosphere in the hospital is similar to an amusement park and the kids are having a blast.



At last, it is time for Ruby to head back to the surgery. Nurses take her from me at the door. Ruby files a token protest and goes along willingly once they distract her. I'm somewhat of a speed reader and I did not make it through even one chapter before the doctor was back in the room saying that her ears were filled with pus but everything went all right. I would guess 10-15 minutes had elapsed.

Ruby happily drank her apple juice and was sleepy for about 20 minutes. After that, she was the happiest I have seen her in months. Her balance is much better and she has chosen to use her new found powers to try and climb...everything. By the end of the day she was eating pasta and ready to take on the world.


So I'm thinking of a new business venture. A hospital that treats adults like kids. No needles unless absolutely necessary. Rock Band in the room next door. Laser tag sets for pre-op. Don't we adults deserve it? After all, we'll remember our surgery much more than the kids will!